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We would lynch him if we could locate him
Yes I had a shitty day. I had a shitty Aspie day. I hate waking up from a dream that had my homeless girlfriend's face on a Donald Trump pug dog into a fight with my mom and the first screen on my laptop is this.

We would lynch him if we could locate him
Consider a thought?
Posterior feathered end
Of domestic fowl.
Current Location: Waukegan, IL
Current Mood: artisticartistic
Current Music: John Oliver, Jon Stewart's spiritual successor.
We would lynch him if we could locate him
07 March 2016 @ 02:53 pm
I've always been fascinated with Ecstatic mystics - those who achieve their spiritual gnosis through extremes of emotion, of action, of asceticism, of consumption, of creation. Whirling Dervish dancers, Snake handlers, Bacchantae. Sun Dancers, Stomp Dancers, Asatru agaric-eaters, Mayan flesh-piercers.
I've also always been fascinated with those who are... other, because they challenge certain taboos.

And then there's the Aghori. Their very name translates to DGAF. No, really. Ghori is fear or concern for physical existence, if I've gotten it right, and A- is 'without.'

So they challenge all the taboos of death. They will always have squatting grounds among the funeral pyres. They will always have dinner, once the pyres have burned down. Yes, really. They will always have pigments - they paint their bodies with the ashes. They will always have bowl - for there will always be another skull.

But their point is that ALL of this is holy. EVEN the forbidden things. And it is their holy duty to show people that all of this is holy. Even drinking and smoking opiates and eating of the dead.

"It's holy, dammit. That's why I make it a part of my life. Because you will not."

We would lynch him if we could locate him
28 January 2016 @ 12:57 am
This is a picture of Hitler just walking with a little girl. He was a human being, trying to do the right thing.
Don't forget that. Don't ever forget that.

Even our worst monsters of real life history were real men, human beings, trying to do the right thing. Don't ever forget that.

People get twisted. Their view, their ideals, their actions. But this is not Pure Evil... This is a man, a human being, trying to do the right thing.

Current Location: Waukegan, IL
Current Mood: tiredtired
Current Music: Hopsin - I Need Help
We would lynch him if we could locate him
THIS is a man who inspires me to emulate his passion. I feel akin to his raw style. I've tried to be a manipulator, a dominator, a pleader, a logician, a magician. But in the end I am left with only myself; a no-good wise guy who gives good advice and makes bad decisions. Sometimes all ya got left is honesty, and sometimes that's what makes for the beautiful awesome.

Here's a page of Bukowski quotes you should read.

Read. And think. Because this magnificent motherfucker put every goddamn thing he loved into his work, and he knew nice folks wouldn't like it, and isn't there some space where a fruity sesquepedalian singer with all ruffles up his arms can share with a scarred-up dude in a grey hoodie just pouring his damn soul into a half-cracked fiddle?

Oh, the hell with it. Let's call the whole thing off and call it a holiday.

Current Mood: determineddetermined
Current Music: Satan takes a Holiday, and Tommy Dorsey scores the backing tracks.
We would lynch him if we could locate him
Right now I have NIN covering Gary Numan's "Metal," and it's just the kind of lockstep that turns my brain into a factory.

I now know how much it will cost to get the courts off my back.

Just an hour ago I was speaking to an expert from Guitar Center about what sort of hardware I would need to do some real home studio work. I have been frustrated for years without the hardware capable of recording my own songs with simple four-track overdubbing. Now I know that I need an Interface.

If I get down to Chicago on Thursday, I can go have a face-to-face with this dude, and nail down the details so that I can have some kind of ballpark figure.

If I'm going to accept donations, I'm going to try and make it one big graduated pile, and get myself set proper.

So, thinking on my priorities before I put any numbers down:

  1. Court Costs.
    This is what's hanging over my head, and can't be exchanged for work-hours or favors or forgiveness. It's going to cost over two grand cash money.
  2. Workhorse Studio Computer. Might have to be a Mac for what I want to do, but now I'm getting savvy to the modern PC hardware again.
  3. Transportation. Some sort of inexpensive electric-assist bicycle would be perfect for me. Maybe a motor-scooter. Something that will get me more than five miles without showing up sweaty and stinking, and has very little maintenance/fuel cost.

The gears are starting to mesh again. Just have to get my lead foot off the clutch.

We would lynch him if we could locate him
I consider myself mostly past significant religious and philosophical debate, yet I still yearn for the company of those fringe personae who stimulated me so much in my younger life.

... Maybe it's time to start questioning again.
Current Location: Waukegan, IL
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
Current Music: Laibach - Sympathy for the Devil
We would lynch him if we could locate him
04 January 2015 @ 05:17 pm

  • Random Clown song.

  • Random new band everybody has to love Chromeo. They said, "Everybody keeps playing Michael Jackson's songs on the radio. Why don't we make our band sound like that, only add some funk?"

  • Random thought:
    I got no random thoughts in my head. That's pretty random.
Current Mood: Random
Current Music: Pandora
We would lynch him if we could locate him
11 December 2014 @ 11:37 pm
My friends, I have used the Zeitgeist tag for years now, but I want to take a moment to say that YouTube has now managed to take a well-earned #3 spot in "THIS IS MY ZEITGEIST SONG" list.

#2 is Dan Meth's "Internet People."

#1 will remain Billy Joel's "We Didn't Start the Fire."

Current Location: Waukegan, IL
Current Mood: optimisticoptimistic
Current Music: Laibach, "In the Year 2525"
We would lynch him if we could locate him
14 November 2014 @ 03:22 pm
Over on Facebook, Oni was having a crisis of self-faith. Oni is a bass player. Oni is a hell of a musician.
Being a hell of a musician myself, and having had similar crises of doubt, I did what I do and couched my advice in poetic metaphor. I really hope this helps.

You may be reaching your breaking point. It WILL happen. It WILL suck. You may even be stuck on your own without help when you need it most. You might think you're broken.

That's when you scrap. That's when you use your creativity. That's when you find your song. That's when you find you were not broken, you were merely taken apart. That's when you can get into all the cracks and crevices, clean out all the crud and crap and doubt and negativity and dust that's been gumming up your works.

And once you're cleaned and polished and lubed up again, you can see the orchestra, the band that creates you.

Your bassline will become your strong spine, that will bend but never break.
Your percussive rhythm will make your legs march long past when your mind thought it had already given up.
Your tenor and alto harmonies will be the left and right hands, you know the middle is where it all gets fleshed out and the real work happens.
And your top lead line will be the breath that fills out and speaks the unifying truth, that all the others have been building up for you to flow forth.

All you need is the proper goal, the proper message. If you're the musician you say you are, then play the arranger, the orchestrator, the band leader.

And remember that if all the world's a stage,
Everyone's your audience;
Prepare to flop occasionally,
But be ready to fly when Everyone wants to lift you.

I'll see you on Cloud 2, with my hand held out to help you on upward.

And yes, I do notice more and more that the advice I give to my friends is the advice I really mean to give to myself. This is not completely unintentional - I have always had a weak sense of self-identity, I do better at recognizing myself by the way I respond to my friends. I've always been a mimic, searching for a core.

I do have a core Carl, but in times of stress bits seem to fragment off into filtered personae, into facets of a gem rather than a rounded whole.
In times of extreme stress, even my specific personae fragment into a set of social filters that I identify as Masquerade masks.

My full soul is very exuberant, very vocal, very forward, and very clueless. I use different filter masks to be a different Carl according to what is appropriate.

[Just so you know, I am making this post Publicly visible. Because I very rarely lay out my mind's imagery in quite a public forum, but now that I have, I want it to be able to be seen by Everyone. My Audience is You.]
Current Location: Waukegan, IL
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
Current Music: di.fm ElectroSwing channel
We would lynch him if we could locate him
It's time to start begging for a home again. The sooner, the better. I am housemates with a married couple, and the husband is grumbling over irrationally petty things. Now he wants to proceed with eviction processes because I used HIS apple (that they got for free from a food pantry, a month ago, that was hidden in the back of the fridge and starting to turn bad) to bait a fruit fly trap. This petty shit has been going on for months.

If there's anyone in the Chicago/Waukegan/Kenosha/Racine area that could take me in for a couple months, I need OUT of Indianapolis. My cousin Jason will probably have room for me by the end of the year, so this is a temporary deal, but I need to find crash space tout-de-suite.

I would like to stay in the Chicagoland area through November and December so that I can attend my viola teacher's memorial concert (11/11), Thanksgiving with the family, Midwest Furfest (12/5-7), then Christmas holidays with the family.

I cook and clean, and once I get my records sealed I can more easily get a job so that I can pitch in financially. I try to be a good roommate.

Please, I need help. My parents are not an option, and my brother is expecting a newborn any day now so their house is out of the picture.
Current Location: Indianapolis, IN
Current Mood: worriedworried
We would lynch him if we could locate him
02 October 2014 @ 10:31 pm
There's been a trend on /r/TrueAtheism (where the non-asshole atheists hang out) of young ex-muslims coming to terms with death being the final ending. Here is my response:

Your immortality is no longer your soul going to Heaven, or its analogue.

Your immortality is your legacy. The memories that will be left behind of you.


Be immortalized as a mentor, as a thinker. Be immortalized as someone who gave a damn about his community. Be immortalized as someone who wasn't afraid to admit when you were wrong, so that you could actually be right the next time. Be immortalized in your creations, and in the people you have influenced.

Current Location: Indianapolis, IN
Current Mood: optimisticoptimistic
We would lynch him if we could locate him
18 September 2014 @ 06:04 pm
  • Axiom 1: All consistent axioms are true.

  • Axiom 2: All incorrigible propositions are true.

  • Axiom 3; All assignment declarations are transitive.

  • Axiom 4: GOTO Axiom 4.

  • Axiom 4: All incoherent propositions are incoherent. (This is a third truth value, neither true nor false. I could simplify this into "all incoherent propositions are false," but that would violate the law of negation. Alternatively, we can redefine "negation" to only operate on coherent propositions, in which case all incoherent axioms are false).

    Axiom 4 allows me to not think about things like "Ekke Ekke Batang Zubang!" or "colorless green ideas are sleeping furiously" or "John Frum is a mythological character" or "Would you like to try some Marmite?"

  • Axiom 5: GOTO Axiom 5... a.k.a. All epistemic evaluations are true. This means that if X is true then "X is true" is true and "X is true is true" is true... infinitely. Similarly, if X is false, then it's "X is false" is true and "X is false is true" is true, etc. Turtles, all the way down.

  • Axiom 6: THERE IS NO AXIOM 6.

  • Axiom 7: NO POOFTERS.

  • Axiom 8: You do not talk about personal axioms of synthetic logic.

  • Axiom 9: If this is your first time at Philosophy Club.... You HAVE to defend your position.

(Fox and Hamster were having fun on Facebook. Fox started out somewhat serious, Hamster came in with jokes. Fox is red, Hamster plays the blues.)
Current Location: Indianapolis, IN
Current Mood: quixoticquixotic
Current Music: These nerdcore rap lyrics I just wrote
We would lynch him if we could locate him

Internet access has been sketchy and hard to come by for the past couple weeks, so I haven't been able to post earlier as I would have liked. I know I'm getting to this at the last minute.
sciffy_circo and I are moving to Indianapolis this week, and it looks like renting a U-Haul will be the most feasible way to get us there. Easier and more effective than leaning on people to cram our stuff in their vehicle and drive us six hours.
However, this is still a $300 expense. We're nickel-and-diming our way through it, but we could REALLY use some help so that we can make this move with a little bit of breathing room. She set up a Fundrazr for us to make the logistics easier, anything is appreciated.

Alternate option: Please help us build a trebuchet large enough to launch us and our luggage into the next time zone. Parachute rental is optional but preferred.

Here's to hoping for brighter shores in the land of corn!
Current Mood: distresseddistressed
Current Music: Schaffer the Darklord - "Fuck This Song"
We would lynch him if we could locate him
I was talking to my mom this morning. Was mostly good, until the end. She asked me, "Where's our camera?"

I answered, "We want to have it readily on-hand in case my father gets violent with me again. The last time he got violent, the police didn't believe our word, and they didn't believe the physical evidence of all the hair he yanked out of my scalp. So we want to be ready to have video evidence if it happens again."

She said, "Get your own camera, then."

I looked her in the eye and said flat-out, "You really just told me that if my father, your husband, gets violent with me, your first response is actually, 'Don't film it with MY camera,' rather than, 'He shouldn't get violent with you.' Listen, you don't have to defend him any more, he's wrong. Don't be wrong too."

When I came down, sciffy_circoasked to feel my balls to see how much they'd grown.
We would lynch him if we could locate him
I've been commenting on reddit lately, but occasionally I want something for my long-term archives.

I was raised Catholic with a lot of symbolism and ritual. When I left that, I was only twelve-thirteen, and felt that I wasn't ready to put together my own philosophy quite yet.

So I started looking around at what would work to fit in with my own current beliefs, philosophies, and not too much supernatural bullshit.

I went into LaVeyan Satanism because it still had a lot of the symbolism and ritual that I craved, plus a an elitist rebel status that I also craved.

Then I decided I didn't want to follow a group of elitist assholes who literally believed in magic and wouldn't accept play-acting any more, so I set it all aside.

And I was actually sad to lose it. Eventually my subconscious started hammering at me, telling me, "Give me something to play with, or I'm going to make you go nuts."

So I started looking around at what would work to fit in with my own current beliefs, philosophies, and not too much supernatural bullshit.

Nowadays I 'play' loosely at Shamanism by first telling the rational side of my mind, "Don't worry, I don't believe this literally, this is ALL symbolic." Then I allow my creative side to stir up this big gumbo pot of Anansi myths, Thelemic and Hermetic symbolism, campfire tales, midnight IMs with similar-minded weirdos, and let it play at whatever it wants to play at when I'm drunk et cetera. When I'm in that separate state of mind I try to keep any superstition et al. limited to things that can be explained through circumstance and coincidence; e.g. luck nudges, confidence rituals, time perception.

I've also been fortunate enough to be a member of several creative social circles and subcultures to have a fairly low-pressure environment throughout this entire time. Heck, even in my early Catholic studies we were encouraged to share our own interpretations, the pastors at my mom's Catholic parish have always been great social shepherds, and she dragged me in as a ringer (yes, pun intended) when her handbell choir needed an extra set of hands.

I still am not a believer in God, because my skeptical mind hasn't seen proper grand proof for grand claims. But I am a musician and I am a believer in Beauty and Awe; because not only have I experienced Beauty and Awe, I have created works that have inspired it in others.

My go-to answer for awkward questions on faith when in public has become the polite and warm, "I may no longer be a man of faith, but my music is my worship."

TL;DR: My skeptical side gives some controlled play to my irrational urges, my irrational urges generally don't break the levees, I am better able to harness my creative chaos, and I feel happier and more balanced thinking that Hamster is my symbolic totem.

My answer sort of turned into an essay that I'm going to print out and share with my mother. She's been more hurt by the fact that I don't follow any faith than the fact that I don't follow her faith. That's why I tend to phrase statements of spirituality in terms of Ecstasy, Beauty and Awe; because I know my Shamany playtime is very weird to her, I want to give her something that she can understand. We both come from very musical and cultural families, so those are deep concepts with which we have similar experiences and language to discuss.
Current Location: Waukegan, IL
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
Current Music: Macklemore & Ryan Lewis, feat. Mary Lambert - Same Love
We would lynch him if we could locate him
I was talking to a friend tonight, and he mentioned that he's developing a character who wields a weapon possessed by a ludicrously silly entity. I thought my response might be worth sharing at large.

There's a long tradition of powerful possessed weaponry in fantasy fiction, and the possessing soul is often insane to some degree. It's a GREAT story prompt.

If it's evil, it usually manipulates the wielder to do evil acts with it. Then you have your corruption/resistance story.

If it's good, it usually tries to manipulate the wielder to do good acts, but it's still an insane weapon, so its idea of a Good Act might be a little bit odd. Then you have your "Good Intentions/Bad Ideas" story.

If it's neutral, I see several immediate options.
A) It just pisses off the wielder by being weird or goofy. Which makes for a great comedic duo, using the classic Straight Man/Fool combination, e.g.
B) Unless the user is also weird or goofy. Then we have situation Loltastic Goofyshit, preferably an NPC.
C) What if the character is weird/goofy but the WEAPON is the straight man? NOW we have REAL comedy on our hands.

P.S. All options also apply to bards with enchanted instruments.
Current Location: Waukegan, IL
Current Mood: bouncybouncy
Current Music: Ludovico Einaudi - Dietro Casa
We would lynch him if we could locate him
We're discussing wrestler character alignments in terms of the D&D alignment matrix over in an e-wrestling group. I'm guessing there's enough general appeal (e.g. not much wrestling-specific jargon in this one) that my roleplaying friends can get in on the fun.

The other guy in the discussion mentioned, "Lawful Neutral is more along my alignment...set of laws and rules to live by, but really don't care whether it's right/wrong by society, it's by self."

I follow Neutral Good for myself. I generally try to adopt a set of ethics that makes life better for myself and others, but I don't always feel that following the letter of the law is the best way to accomplish that.

As for Chaotic Neutral managers - Well, sometimes sticking to Good is BORING. I add a Chaotic Neutral sidekick to add a bit of a wildcard to the mix.

Right now I'm handling a tag team, The Hype, and their alignments are a bit of a tweak on my usual Neutral Good.
Danny Nash, the gay porn star, is Chaotic Good. He's still a good guy at heart, but definitely a wildcard.
CJ Messer, the burned-out boxer and straight man of the group (in more ways than one), is Neutral Neutral. The other two can use him as a foil for their more comedic bits, and he gets to be the eye of the hurricane.
Jimmy DeSett, the sleazy manager, is Chaotic Neutral. He's the one that STARTS a lot of the trouble, all in the name of "This'll make for a hell of a story."

The three of them play off one another very nicely as an ensemble cast.
Current Location: Waukegan, IL
Current Mood: creativecreative
Current Music: J.S. Bach - St Matthew Matthäus Passion
We would lynch him if we could locate him
03 September 2013 @ 11:21 pm
Possibly an explanation for what motivates me toward all the random silly and stupid stuff I do in public:

I'm a social creature, I keep my energy stores stocked by being involved with people. I try to induce a passionate or at least excited response, and my mirror-mimic nature then draws up some of that same energy in me.

Honestly, most of the time it's very difficult for me to draw up a significant portion of give-a-damn on my own. I've always leveled my motivation on the friend next to me, so I started figuring out how to keep pushing that friend's motivation a little bit closer to passionate, so that I can stop faking it and feel passionate motivation myself.

I try to have a good set of goals that I can grasp with a little bit of work, as well as dreams to chase. I can always summon up the will to survive, but it can be hard sometimes to find the will to thrive.

While discussing these matters, a friend asked me out of curiosity, "What's thriving for you?"

In-person engagement with my social peers, artistic performance, creative output, being self-sufficient enough that I can give something to somebody.

I made cookies, chewy citrus ones. I'm gonna take 'em to share at chorus rehearsal tomorrow night. That's a pretty good step in meeting those stated goals this week.
Current Location: Waukegan, IL
Current Mood: mellowmellow
Current Music: Frank Zappa - RDNZL
We would lynch him if we could locate him
It started with this.

(2:11:15 AM) infintysquared: Yeah, there's some software on which you really need a class to train you.
(2:11:33 AM) Zoopy Mac: Oh, pff, no. Me and art programs get along fine.

I dig, but music programs are all over the place with UI. Fortunately I'm adaptable because I've been doin' that for years on multiple software platforms. Zo tells me about her arting stuff, and I like that, so I thought I'd chatter music software interfaces a bit. She was like, "Okay, go ahead! I'll probably get about a third of what you're saying, but lemme go put on some old Justice League cartoons and you can chatter away!" So yes, this is very simplified for the layman, but I think it's a decent walkthrough of several different ways musicians approach musicking on the computer.

Hereinwhich I paraphrase my explanatory babble.Collapse )

So yeah, if I want to be able to work with a lot of other people, I have to be at least passingly familiar with several of these UIs. Studio and musical tools are all over the place. And yet, if you've got a decent idea of the underlying back-end information, you should be able to make 'em all talk to one another reasonably well.
Current Location: Waukegan, IL
Current Mood: nerdynerdy
Current Music: The aforementioned hardcoded notes in a GW-BASIC interpreter