Birthday Hamsta Fwrt

(no subject)

I've always been fascinated with Ecstatic mystics - those who achieve their spiritual gnosis through extremes of emotion, of action, of asceticism, of consumption, of creation. Whirling Dervish dancers, Snake handlers, Bacchantae. Sun Dancers, Stomp Dancers, Asatru agaric-eaters, Mayan flesh-piercers.
I've also always been fascinated with those who are... other, because they challenge certain taboos.

And then there's the Aghori. Their very name translates to DGAF. No, really. Ghori is fear or concern for physical existence, if I've gotten it right, and A- is 'without.'

So they challenge all the taboos of death. They will always have squatting grounds among the funeral pyres. They will always have dinner, once the pyres have burned down. Yes, really. They will always have pigments - they paint their bodies with the ashes. They will always have bowl - for there will always be another skull.

But their point is that ALL of this is holy. EVEN the forbidden things. And it is their holy duty to show people that all of this is holy. Even drinking and smoking opiates and eating of the dead.

"It's holy, dammit. That's why I make it a part of my life. Because you will not."

Zel Hamster

This is a message I wanted to share.

This is a picture of Hitler just walking with a little girl. He was a human being, trying to do the right thing.
Don't forget that. Don't ever forget that.

Even our worst monsters of real life history were real men, human beings, trying to do the right thing. Don't ever forget that.

People get twisted. Their view, their ideals, their actions. But this is not Pure Evil... This is a man, a human being, trying to do the right thing.

Zo PyroHamsta

Kaiden Fox, I changed my mind. The spinning dime is now a quarter. Heads-up, let's play ball!

THIS is a man who inspires me to emulate his passion. I feel akin to his raw style. I've tried to be a manipulator, a dominator, a pleader, a logician, a magician. But in the end I am left with only myself; a no-good wise guy who gives good advice and makes bad decisions. Sometimes all ya got left is honesty, and sometimes that's what makes for the beautiful awesome.

Here's a page of Bukowski quotes you should read.

Read. And think. Because this magnificent motherfucker put every goddamn thing he loved into his work, and he knew nice folks wouldn't like it, and isn't there some space where a fruity sesquepedalian singer with all ruffles up his arms can share with a scarred-up dude in a grey hoodie just pouring his damn soul into a half-cracked fiddle?

Oh, the hell with it. Let's call the whole thing off and call it a holiday.

Zo PyroHamsta

I'm getting ready for a GoFundMe drive, a serious one.

Right now I have NIN covering Gary Numan's "Metal," and it's just the kind of lockstep that turns my brain into a factory.

I now know how much it will cost to get the courts off my back.

Just an hour ago I was speaking to an expert from Guitar Center about what sort of hardware I would need to do some real home studio work. I have been frustrated for years without the hardware capable of recording my own songs with simple four-track overdubbing. Now I know that I need an Interface.

If I get down to Chicago on Thursday, I can go have a face-to-face with this dude, and nail down the details so that I can have some kind of ballpark figure.

If I'm going to accept donations, I'm going to try and make it one big graduated pile, and get myself set proper.

So, thinking on my priorities before I put any numbers down:

  1. Court Costs.
    This is what's hanging over my head, and can't be exchanged for work-hours or favors or forgiveness. It's going to cost over two grand cash money.
  2. Workhorse Studio Computer. Might have to be a Mac for what I want to do, but now I'm getting savvy to the modern PC hardware again.
  3. Transportation. Some sort of inexpensive electric-assist bicycle would be perfect for me. Maybe a motor-scooter. Something that will get me more than five miles without showing up sweaty and stinking, and has very little maintenance/fuel cost.

The gears are starting to mesh again. Just have to get my lead foot off the clutch.

Zo PyroHamsta

I.E. "I met a cool young LaVeyan Satanist in a random chatroom, and had a flashback to my teens."

I consider myself mostly past significant religious and philosophical debate, yet I still yearn for the company of those fringe personae who stimulated me so much in my younger life.

... Maybe it's time to start questioning again.
Zo PyroHamsta

Random post is Random.

  • Random Clown song.

  • Random new band everybody has to love Chromeo. They said, "Everybody keeps playing Michael Jackson's songs on the radio. Why don't we make our band sound like that, only add some funk?"

  • Random thought:
    I got no random thoughts in my head. That's pretty random.
  • Current Music
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Zo PyroHamsta

(no subject)

My friends, I have used the Zeitgeist tag for years now, but I want to take a moment to say that YouTube has now managed to take a well-earned #3 spot in "THIS IS MY ZEITGEIST SONG" list.

#2 is Dan Meth's "Internet People."

#1 will remain Billy Joel's "We Didn't Start the Fire."

Zo PyroHamsta

(no subject)

Over on Facebook, Oni was having a crisis of self-faith. Oni is a bass player. Oni is a hell of a musician.
Being a hell of a musician myself, and having had similar crises of doubt, I did what I do and couched my advice in poetic metaphor. I really hope this helps.

You may be reaching your breaking point. It WILL happen. It WILL suck. You may even be stuck on your own without help when you need it most. You might think you're broken.

That's when you scrap. That's when you use your creativity. That's when you find your song. That's when you find you were not broken, you were merely taken apart. That's when you can get into all the cracks and crevices, clean out all the crud and crap and doubt and negativity and dust that's been gumming up your works.

And once you're cleaned and polished and lubed up again, you can see the orchestra, the band that creates you.

Your bassline will become your strong spine, that will bend but never break.
Your percussive rhythm will make your legs march long past when your mind thought it had already given up.
Your tenor and alto harmonies will be the left and right hands, you know the middle is where it all gets fleshed out and the real work happens.
And your top lead line will be the breath that fills out and speaks the unifying truth, that all the others have been building up for you to flow forth.

All you need is the proper goal, the proper message. If you're the musician you say you are, then play the arranger, the orchestrator, the band leader.

And remember that if all the world's a stage,
Everyone's your audience;
Prepare to flop occasionally,
But be ready to fly when Everyone wants to lift you.

I'll see you on Cloud 2, with my hand held out to help you on upward.

And yes, I do notice more and more that the advice I give to my friends is the advice I really mean to give to myself. This is not completely unintentional - I have always had a weak sense of self-identity, I do better at recognizing myself by the way I respond to my friends. I've always been a mimic, searching for a core.

I do have a core Carl, but in times of stress bits seem to fragment off into filtered personae, into facets of a gem rather than a rounded whole.
In times of extreme stress, even my specific personae fragment into a set of social filters that I identify as Masquerade masks.

My full soul is very exuberant, very vocal, very forward, and very clueless. I use different filter masks to be a different Carl according to what is appropriate.

[Just so you know, I am making this post Publicly visible. Because I very rarely lay out my mind's imagery in quite a public forum, but now that I have, I want it to be able to be seen by Everyone. My Audience is You.]