I was responding to a friend's f-locked post about her feelings in a polyamorous relationship. I don't have an overwhelming amount of romance in my life, but that which does stumble into my ken tends to be treasured. Even so, I guess I don't make a big point of announcing my tendencies toward open and/or poly relationships publicly. Which is no surprise, considering that all my relationships have been pretty much de facto vanilla for the most part, heh.
The closest thing I've actually had to the open, poly relationship that's my mind's-eye ideal was when an old girlfriend took on a second boyfriend for a time, then he insisted that she choose, and she chose him. (For those of you who know me more personally, that would be the girl who later re-emerged in my life as the 'psycho redheaded stripper,' a few years later when I didn't know her untreated bipolar had reached critical mass, heh.)
Anyhow, the way I generally try to explain my mindset to the people who care about me is that I'm like a bird in a cage. If you leave the cage door open, I'll know that I -could- leave at my pleasure, so I'll generally sit quite comfortably where I am.
But if you lock the door shut, I'll bash my head open against the bars trying to get out. It's just part of my contrary nature.
Translation into less metaphorical terms: I'm most comfortable in a relationship that is technically "open" and/or "poly-friendly." But knowing that I'd be allowed to stray (within the rules, of course), I'm generally satisfied with what I have, and enjoy nurturing the relationship I've already got.
It's an odd way of explaining things, but for some reason it seems to be a good way of telling my mindset to a lady who's not quite ready for a fully open or poly relationship. Basically, if we set the boundaries wide at the outset, I don't have a reason to "test" them.
The closest thing I've actually had to the open, poly relationship that's my mind's-eye ideal was when an old girlfriend took on a second boyfriend for a time, then he insisted that she choose, and she chose him. (For those of you who know me more personally, that would be the girl who later re-emerged in my life as the 'psycho redheaded stripper,' a few years later when I didn't know her untreated bipolar had reached critical mass, heh.)
Anyhow, the way I generally try to explain my mindset to the people who care about me is that I'm like a bird in a cage. If you leave the cage door open, I'll know that I -could- leave at my pleasure, so I'll generally sit quite comfortably where I am.
But if you lock the door shut, I'll bash my head open against the bars trying to get out. It's just part of my contrary nature.
Translation into less metaphorical terms: I'm most comfortable in a relationship that is technically "open" and/or "poly-friendly." But knowing that I'd be allowed to stray (within the rules, of course), I'm generally satisfied with what I have, and enjoy nurturing the relationship I've already got.
It's an odd way of explaining things, but for some reason it seems to be a good way of telling my mindset to a lady who's not quite ready for a fully open or poly relationship. Basically, if we set the boundaries wide at the outset, I don't have a reason to "test" them.
Current Location: Waukegan, IL
Current Mood:
contemplative
Current Music: Gogol Bordello - Wonderlust King
4 comments | Leave a comment
